that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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