i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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