I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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