he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
