Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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