I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
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Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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