I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
