i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
