can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
