Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
