btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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