The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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