when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
