Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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