I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
