I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
