tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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