The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
