Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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