Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
