i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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