I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
