I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize