Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
