he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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