It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
