Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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