i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
