u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I understand Curling. That high.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
