someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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