how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
