maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
