When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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