I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
