In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
