So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
