Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
