I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
