With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
