I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
