they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
