she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
