Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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