I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
