so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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