dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize