he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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