Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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