I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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