Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
