I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
