White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
A+ Viking dick
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
