She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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