My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What drink are we having for lunch?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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