i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
