You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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