I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
