ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
