Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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