Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
