the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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