6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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